This really happened tonight.
Something Nasty in the Bathroom
This evening in the bathroom
I had a nasty shock –
A massive spider crept out
From behind the big wall clock.
My hair turned white in terror
As the spider said “Hello!”
And nonchalantly crossed the floor
To chew upon my toe.
“Oh spider, please don’t eat me!”
I cried in pain and fear,
And the spider cupped a hairy leg
Around a hairy ear.
“Eh?” he said, “Me? Eat you?!”
And waved his legs with glee,
“As if I’d do a thing like that!”
And crunched up to my knee.
“I’m just a little spider!”
The horrid monster said,
And smiling rather kindly
He munched higher up my leg.
“You’re actually quite large,” said I,
And eyed him with distaste;
“No, no!” said he and chuckled
As he reached my slender* waist.
“I’m really rather harmless –
and I don’t eat meat!” he said,
He paused to burp genteelly
Then he gobbled up my head.
*Okay, I lied about the slender waist. But the rest of it is all true. Honest…
Update: You can here my reading of this rhyme here!