Fun with words…

30 09 2013

Hello hello hello!

I’m feeling more chuffed than a chuffy thing in a world of chuffness today.

A couple of weeks ago I happened upon this tweet:


I’ve never entered any sort of writing competition before, but a little rhyme popped into my head and I wrote it down just in case it would come in handy one day. Later that evening I suddenly thought “Oh, what the heck!” and emailed it to the competition organisers. Then thought, “You plonker, why did you do that?! It’s rubbish!”

A couple of days later the rhyme was still stuck in my head, along with a little image. So I doodled it – here it is:


And that was that.

Except it wasn’t…

‘Cos it only went and got shortlisted in the top ten!


I couldn’t be chuffeder! So this Thursday (which is National Poetry Day, don’t you know!) I’m popping off to London as I’ve won a couple of tickets to see her at Cadogan Hall, and I also won a copy of her new book, You Made Me Late Again! Hurrah!

And how else could I end this blog post but with a few more recent rhymes:

I wrote a little rhymey thing
And nervously submitted it,
Then bless my soul, you’ll never guess –
They bloomin’ well shortlisted it!

This next one popped into my head on the way to the bus stop at 5am:

Early Doors
Shiny stars and silver moon,
Birdies tweet their morning tune;
An autumn nip is in the air
And I’ve got sticky-uppy hair.

And finally, an Unfortunate Incident on a train:

Smelly-footed Man
Oh smelly-footed man,
Your stinky odour is a-creeping –
It winds around the train
And gets all soaked up in the seating.

Oh smelly-footed man,
If only trains had pong-o-meters,
The reading you’d attain
Might make you buy some odour-eaters.

Laters! x


Kristoph the Rhyming Mule

28 09 2013


It’s been yonks since I did a Crazy Rhymey Challenge, so as I was feeling a tad rhymish I asked the lovely folk of Twitterland for some words, and here’s what I got:

@mooseandmouse: nocturnal, equinox, centenary

@yorkshire_chris: brewery, limerick, snort

@laurothecheerio: jumentous

@thenosuchdisco: mule

@shaggydogyarns: Lancaster bomber

And here’s the rather whiffy resulting rhyme… You can also listen to me reading it here… if you dare!

Kristoph the Rhyming Mule

Kristoph was a rhyming mule
Renowned both far and wide,
He travelled all around the world
His badger by his side.

‘Twas one Autumnal equinox
Our story doth take place,
And Kristoph stood against a tree
A frown upon his face.

“Why so glum?” the badger asked
“It makes you look quite funny!”
And Kristoph sighed and sadly said
“I’ve got a poorly tummy.”

“I have to write a limerick
But rhymes they just won’t come;
I think it’s cos something I ate
Has quite upset my tum.”

The badger said “I’d help you out
If only it were vernal;
But as it stands, this time of year
I’m feeling too nocturnal.”

Poor Kristoph shed a poet’s tear
And shook his muley head,
The badger yawned and curled up tight
“I’ll have a snooze,” he said.

The rhyming mule paced back and forth
Around the shaded glade,
He had to write this limerick
Or he would not get paid.

Desperately he tried to rhyme
As daylight slowly dimmed,
And in his stressed and sorry state
He passed a little wind.

The noise awoke the badger
Who had thought he was a goner –
“I thought that I was being buzzed
By a Lancaster bomber!”

A passing farmer stopped and yelled
“Oi! Stop all this tomfoolery!
That smell’s a million times worse
Than a badger in a brewery!”

Kristoph hung his head in shame
And badger gave a snort
He glared hard at the farmer
And said “I’ll see YOU in court.”

The rhyming mule said “Badger,
He’s not trying to torment us,
You must admit the smell I made
Is really quite jumentous.”

The farmer held his nose
And said “Hang on, I know your face!
You’re that rhyming mule –
What brings you in to this place?”

“I’m trying to write a limerick,
But not having much luck –
It’s for the town’s centenary
But I’m completely stuck.”

He looked up at the farmer
And he did a double take,
“Hang on,’ he said “But isn’t your name
Rural Rhyming Jake?”

The farmer doffed his cap and said
“Yes, at your service mule!
What say you that we split the fee
And make this project dual?”

Kristoph gave a happy cheer
“You turned up just in time!”
And mule and farmer sat down
And they soon began to rhyme.

So all in all things turned out well
They penned a work of art;
But Kristoph never found out
What he’d et to make him fart.

Thank you to those if you that sent in words! You can hear me reading more of my rhymes over on SoundCloud.